Interview with a Reformed Alcoholic
Sally is a remarkable woman with an inspiring story. Read on to find out more about her battle with alcohol:
Q. Would you classify yourself as a recovered alcoholic?
A. I'm a recovering alcoholic, you're never really recovered.
Q. How long have you been recovering for?
A. Six years now. It was a matter of life and death; I reached my lowest point, which became my turning point as I realised my life had to change in a very big way if there was to be any hope or future for either myself or my children.
Q. Is it difficult staying clean?
A. It's not difficult now. I've come to terms with the hardest battle and that's knowing I can't drink alcohol successfully. It was extremely difficult at the beginning, but turning back to my old ways wasn't and isn't an option.
Q. What would happen if you succumbed to the temptation of having one drink?
A. If I had a glass of wine, I would be back to two bottles of vodka a day within a month. I would be back to where I was, if not worse. Not everyone realises this, but alcoholism is progressive. You can never totally recover and go back to the odd drink.
Q. When did you have your first drink and can you remember what it was like?
A. I was 18 and I remember liking the way in which the alcohol altered my feelings. I suffered a traumatic and abusive childhood and the alcohol allowed me to experience feelings and emotions I should have had in my life anyway; it filled a big gap. From then I began drinking more frequently and heavily. By 25 I was easily drinking vastly more than my friends, who used to make jokes about the fact I must have hollow legs or something because of the amount of alcohol I could drink without showing any side effects. I was successful, fit, healthy and had a good, well paid job. I went to see my GP at one point though as I used to feel shaky, but it was put down to stress and I was prescribed beta blockers. I enjoyed drinking after work and I wasn't ready to give up the feelings alcohol gave me. If I felt at all anxious, I would take the drugs to combat that. The reality, however, is that anxiety is the first symptom of dependency.
Q. At what point did you acknowledge drinking as an addiction?
A. I was in my late 20's. I started to miss work, but nobody suspected a thing. I went to my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting when I was 28, and managed to convince myself I wasn't an alcoholic because I didn't feel I looked the same as the other people attending the meeting. I carried on drinking. In 1995 I met my now ex-husband and at the time felt we were a match made in heaven as he was quite a heavy drinker too. At that point, I needed morning drinks to calm the shakes and would drink to feel normal. I would wake at 7am, drink a can of strong beer and wait 15 minutes for the shakes to subside so that I could hold a pen. The physical symptoms would subside for a couple of hours, when I would top up. I recognised then that I had a physical dependency on alcohol, but the reality is that my psychological dependency came after the very first drink.
Q. What happened next? Did you seek any help?
A. I did, but social services were involved at this point as I had a son. My husband left when my son was 4 months old. I continued drinking, lost my job due to being caught driving at 7:30am whilst 4 ½ times over the legal limit. I ended up in court, the psychological effect of this being an horrific process, not knowing whether I'd be going to prison. I managed to stay dry for 3 months and thought I'd been 'cured', so began having one or two drinks again, which progressed rapidly into heavy drinking. I took another job with a recruitment company for a third of my previous salary. I used to drink at my desk and one day realised I'd been sat staring into space and everyone was looking at me. I got up, went to my manager's office and confessed my alcoholism. He was in shock, I left the office with him on my tail, ran down the road, vomiting, trying to reach the drug support centre I knew about. Social Services attempted to get me some help through the NHS, but there was a 3 month waiting list. Average NHS waiting times for help are typically between 3-9 months. During my early 30's, I tried helping myself, even going cold turkey and suffered very bad physical side effects; I was lucky not to have had any seizures.
Q. How did you begin your road to recovery?
A. I suffered a relapse six years ago. I was a lone parent, in and out of the court arena, with my children being taken into care for months at a time. I'd had another daughter, who sadly is severely autistic. I was drinking two bottles of vodka a day and didn't care whether I lived or died. I overdosed with 96 paracetamol and luckily for me was discovered by two friends who got me to A&E. Ironically, I had a blood condition at the time that I was unaware of and the amount of alcohol in my body was what saved my life! I pleaded not to go home and this became my turning point. I wanted to fight for my children, who were both up for adoption. I battled with Social Services through the courts, winning back my son, a year's intensive psychotherapy and access to Triage Healthcare. Within a week of finishing my treatment, I began my training as an addictions councillor.
Q. How would you define your lowest and highest points?
A. My lowest point was realising that alcohol had cost me my job, marriage, self esteem and almost my children and my life. The highest point is the result of my recovery, that I have had another chance to be a good mother and that my life has been able to begin!
Triage Healthcare provides instant access to help and advice for people suffering from the adverse effects of drugs or alcohol; users, relatives, children and anyone else affected. If you have been affected by Sally's story and wish to find out more about the services provided by Triage Healthcare, then visit www.dryoutnow.com or call 0845 370 0203.
About Sally
Sally is 46 and has worked as an addiction therapist since 2005 since beginning her journey as a recovering alcoholic.
Article copyright YourDoc Medical Ltd 2010. All rights reserved.
