Ten rules for raising happy, well-behaved children
As parents we want our children to grow up happy and, hopefully, well-behaved, but sometimes the challenges can seem too great. Listed below are ten simple but effective rules that you can use at home and with your children that just might help…
1. Praise and rewards
The best rewards are attention, praise and love. Sweets, treats and toys are not necessary. A star chart or special outing can back up a pattern of good behavior.
2. Consistency
Once you have made a rule, don’t change it for the sake of a quiet life or because you’re embarrassed. Make sure that everyone – including your partner and other caregivers – keeps to the same rules as well. A rule is a rule is a rule.
3. Routine
Keep your home in basic order and maintain a routine. Set times for waking, meals, bath and bed are the cornerstones of family life. Once a routine is in place, you can be a little flexible – if you’re on holiday for example. It’s a framework, but it doesn’t have to be rigid.
4. Boundaries
Children need to know there are limits to their behavior, which means what is acceptable and what is not. You need to set rules and tell them what you expect.
5. Discipline
You can only keep the boundaries in place by discipline. This means firm and fair control. It may just take an authoritative voice and a warning to get the message across, but there are other techniques you can use, none of which involve punishment.
6. Warnings
There are two kinds of warnings: One tells a child what’s coming next, so you might be telling her that bath time is coming up soon, or explaining that you are getting near to putting lunch on the table. The other is a warning for bad behavior. This gives her the chance to correct her behavior without any further discipline.
7. Explanations
A small child can’t understand how you want him to behave unless you tell him. Show and tell to get the message across. Don’t reason or make it too complicated, just state the obvious. When you are disciplining a child, explain why in a way that is appropriate for his age. Ask him if he understands why he has been disciplined so that the message hits home.
8. Restraints
Keep cool. You’re the parent and you’re in charge. Don’t answer a tantrum with a display of anger or respond to shouting by shouting back. You are the adult, don’t let them wind you up.
9. Responsibility
Childhood is all about growing up, so let them. Allow your children to do small achievable things to boost their self-confidence and learn the necessary life and social skills. Get them involved in family life but make sure your expectations are reasonable. Don’t set them up for failure.
10. Relaxation
Quality time is important for everyone, including yourself. Let your child unwind at bedtime with a story and cuddles. Make sure you, your partner and your other children have quality time for individual attention.
We can all try some of the tips above to improve our home-life with our children. So set your boundaries, be consistent, set aside some quality time together and remember to praise them!
About the author
Annie Reed Henderson is an infertility counsellor and trained psychotherapist.
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