Improve your mood by understanding your innate behavioural patterns and the REM state
Lawrence Michaels, DHypPsych, Hypnotherapist, Psychotherapist and NLP Practitioner, tells us about changing our patterns of behaviour to improve our wellbeing.
Breaking the pattern
There is a simple yet powerful adage; “If you always do what you have always done, you’ll always get what you have always got”. When our mood affects us it can seem very difficult to look out from under the clouds, take stock and consider what changes we can make to improve our situation. When we feel very emotionally stressed, upset or depressed our focus is typically very black and white, so it’s much harder for us to see the shades of grey and get a sense of perspective. Interestingly this is because in these situations our mind and body operate from our innate flight/fight response, so being rational, logical or perceptive is a low priority. Only once our emotions are calmer can we then start to give ourselves choices and options by engaging the rational part of our mind. A useful tip to remember when trying to reason with someone who is obviously upset!
What resources do we possess to make the change we desire?
So with this understanding you can see how it is helpful to prepare for those inevitable emotional times, when you are calmer and more in control. Nearly all of us can remember times when we have cheered ourselves up and seen the positive, brighter side of life, through something we did. Learning, in detail, exactly how we do this can give us a powerful tool for coping in difficult times. What do we say to ourselves internally? Do we do something physically to change our situation for the better? Do we go somewhere different? Who do we speak to? What positive inspiring past experience can we recall? It is usually the small changes that can set into motion the bigger differences.
In the same way we can learn what pattern we follow that leads us down the dark path and make small changes that will again set the ball rolling for positive change. In any emotional mood or thought change there is nearly always an external trigger of some kind. Recognising the trigger and then understanding the pattern or routine that follows allows you to interrupt and make changes. This then gives you back an element of control and changes the outcome. Like the process involved in turning right when driving a car; braking, changing gear, looking in our mirror and all the other tiny elements of the process yet if we decide to use the left indicator instead of the right the result may completely change. To really improve your chances of success and break the pattern you need to be willing to try making lots of small, different changes to see what works for you. Such as changing and limiting the timing; changing the location, where and how often you are in that mood, introduce something new, or break the process into smaller chunks. The key is to plan and prepare your strategy before your mood changes, altering your path and the end result.
A strategy for better quality sleep and reduced emotional stress
Recent research established through the Human Givens approach has revealed that the main purpose for dreaming is to metaphorically diffuse and process uncompleted, high level emotions from the previous day. It is simply a clever way for us to have a mental detox at night, so we are ready to face the new day and new emotional stresses. Unfortunately the dream or REM state is a stage of sleep that is very similar to our awake state, so too much REM sleep and not enough restorative deep sleep and we can typically wake feeling exhausted. Not so clever! This can lead to a viscous circle; in our tired state we are less able to deal with daytime stress and emotion and more likely to think negatively which means we have lots of uncompleted emotions that our brain is looking to deal with at night. It can be frustrating if we think we are sleeping lots yet still wake feeling exhausted.
Fortunately there are two simple helpful ways of managing and reducing this emotional stress which will also result in a much better quality of sleep.
Regular relaxation of at least fifteen minutes, ideally daily, really allows the mind to recharge and helps you to function better, which has a knock on effect on your ability to deal with stress and mood changes. Most of us are so used to being bombarded with information that stimulates our brains that it can be difficult to reconnect with what real relaxation and rest is. To truly give our mind a chance to recharge we need very low levels of stimulus, such as light reading, listening to music, or of course meditation, yoga or any form of light exercise. Watching TV, unfortunately, does not fall into that category, as no matter how much we think we are “switching off” our mind is in fact still being constantly stimulated with the images on the screen.
To gauge and monitor your negative thoughts and ruminations is another great technique to manage and reduce emotional stress. So if you come home from a long day and your mind is buzzing, rather than ignoring it which will most likely mean lots of dreaming, you can achieve the same result with this little exercise:
Preparation: Find a pad of paper and pen and sit down in a quiet space. If you are not already relaxed, then start by really focusing on your breathing. Next begin deep powerful in-breaths from your stomach, in through your nose. Then move on to slow, long, out-breaths through your mouth, ideally with the tip of your tongue on the roof of your mouth.
Emotional sensitivity: Recall in your mind, the event, emotion or thought, which might have caused particular stress or anxiety that day, even if it is a reoccurring one. At this point grade the level of how anxious or stressed it makes you feel when you think about it, from 1-10; with ten the highest level of emotion.
Achieving completion: If you need to go back to the breathing exercise to feel relaxed, before starting this stage. You are now looking to observe your thoughts and emotions in relation to the cause of the anxiety that you graded above. Think of this as a mental detox, solving the cause of the anxiety is not your main outcome here.
In a factual way, with no judgment or emotion, start by mentally observing how you felt and thought when you first experienced the cause of the anxiety. If easier, write down your response. What can you see differently as an observer? If an emotion starts to develop ask yourself what is its purpose? Is there a solution you can see now that you didn’t earlier?
You might see a solution, or alternatively make an agreement with yourself for a temporary ceasefire, to relegate the cause of the stress all the way to the back benches as such. The terms of the ceasefire ideally need to be desirable, realistic and achievable and to a specific time frame, even if the ceasefire is until the following day.
Finally, go back and grade your emotional response on the scale of 1-10 and be surprised at the result!
About the author
Lawrence Michaels DHypPsych is a Hypnotherapist, Psychotherapist and NLP Practitioner specializing in Anxiety Management and Performance Improvement based in Brighton and London.
Human Givens A New Approach To Emotional Health and Clear Thinking by Joe Griffin and Ivan Tyrrell
Article copyright YourDoc Medical Ltd 2010. All rights reserved.
